Two Years Without Shampoo

These pictures annoy me

If something doesn't automatically come easily to me, I give up, which is why I haven't been writing lately, and also why I never learned how to play the harmonica solo from "Head Over Feet." This frustration must be how people feel when they first try zero waste. My ill-concealed lack of sympathy manifested itself often before- I started zero waste for school, so in true Dim Sum of All Fears fashion, I regularly set and forced myself to meet overly demanding goals, expecting the same from others. Now that I have a bit of perspective, I'll hopefully be more understanding. I doubt it, though.

I'm also feeling less sorry for myself lately. Recently I woke up, in a nice, warm bed in a beautiful home I do not pay for, and thought, ok, I travel the world, and everybody takes care of me. Can you imagine the complaining I'd do if I had a life based even partly in reality? Or if I had to do any of the things real people do, like pay bills, wash my hair, use toilet paper, or stay in one city for more than a month at a time? I couldn't handle any of that! The only things I worry about regularly are whether to wear Ferragamos or Louboutins in the morning, or whether to get a turmeric or matcha latte in my mason jar. These are not real problems. Somebody pulled a knife on me at work- that's a problem. It always takes extreme situations to get me to realize things, however, like when Happy Endings got cancelled and I suddenly thought, I should have been watching that on network television instead of streaming at Starbucks Rue Saint-Dominique.

But back to the not washing my hair part. Two years of water only, and I didn't have to hide my hair with scarves, douse it with perfume, or withdraw into Pynchonesque seclusion. I felt so bad about my hair- mosly because I'm shallow, partly because my scalp actually bled and was painful- when I moved to Paris and discovered the consequences of living with hard water. Specially formulated pharmacy products, dermatologist prescribed treatments, and an ill-advised Japanese straightening only worsened the situation. I couldn't face people, so I didn't want to go places with my husband or enjoy the city. I feel bad about everything I missed out on when the solution was so simple. We're not supposed to mess with hair and skin the way we do. People don't realize when they use spray and mousse and gels and pomades or whatever, their head isn't actually clean, it's coated in junk- silicones that obscure our natural texture, twisting perceptions of how hair should look.

Until recently, my routine was to scrub my scalp and detangle my hair with my fingers in the shower once a month, wrapping a towel around my head or just avoiding the water between "washings." Some people prefer the mermaid method (dunking their hair, then scrubbing), which I used to like, but haven't done since we moved to a place without a bathtub. I alternated between using hard water- hair was frizzy for a day or two, then normalized- and distilled water, tying my hair up if I got a workout. Sometimes I'd swipe hair with lemon juice or essential oil after exercising or hiking, and if I went in salt water, I'd leave it a day before rinsing, depending on water quality. Now that I work outside or with kids, I wash my hair more often, about once every 2-3 weeks. This makes it drier, but nothing like when I was using shampoos and conditioner. I don't even have to brush or style anymore. I either let my curls dry as is- they're springier and more uniform since switching to water (think the guy from When In Rome's "The Promise" video... not the bald one)- or tie it in a ponytail, looping the ends up in the holder. This smoothes the top and gives a blowout look without the work. It's a rougher texture than the eurocentric norm we see on Instagram and YouTube, but it's the one I was born with.

Normally when traveling I don't wash my hair. People who live with allergies or in polluted areas may want to rinse hair more often. If I want a smoother look, or I'm in a really humid place, I use coconut or olive oil with a light hand. Before I quit shampoo, this would normally turn out super greasy and disgusting, but now my hair just soaks oil up. I work six days a week, sometimes seven, sometimes 12+ hours a day, so having a beauty routine requiring literally no effort makes the transition totally worth it. All you really need is patience and a little elbow grease to push through the first few weeks. I promise, people won't shun you. People today are all too wrapped up in themselves to notice whether you stopped using Herbal Essences or not. The emphasis is on maintaining the naturally acidic condition of the mantle. Nothing does that better than simple mechanical cleaning followed by a thorough rinse to wash impurities away and eliminate residual odors. Water is an excellent solvent.

Many no poo advocates advise using hot water only. That's not a thing. Thermal energy helps get rid of dirt, but mechanical energy works effectively regardless of temperature- only surfactants, such as those found in shampoos, don't work well in cold water. Hot water can actually dry hair and scalp out, causing it to produce more flakes or oil. By contrast, cold water seals the cuticle, making it look shinier (ninety percent of energy consumed while showering is used to heat water, so the average household using cold water can eliminate up to 350 pounds of CO2 emissions annually. Translation: $40-$60 possible savings on utility bills). You don't have to torture yourself with cold showers, just don't think hot water is going to melt hair's natural oils away or anything, either. Anyway, water only is yet another zero waste switch that defies critical logic. People think zero waste means sacrificing convenience, running all over town buying specialty products, or spending lots of time making stuff, when, in truth, sometimes it just means doing nothing at all. What could be more convenient than that?